The Trio
by Mindelan
Summary: This story is actually three stories in one: Irksome Elves, My Hot, Blonde, Elf Boyfriend, and Noy Middle, but Still Earth. R&R!
1. Chapter One

The Trio  
  
DISCLAIMER: Anything in these three stories that has to do with The Lord of the Rings is owned by Tolkien Enterprises.  
  
A/N: These three stories are based on The Lord of the Rings movies and books. Not just one or the other. Also, if I ever make a reference to Goths (which I do), and you are a Goth, pleased do not be offended. (I am about 6% Goth myself.) Also, these are three stories mixed with one, so all of the chapter ones will be together, all the twos will be together, etc. And now, enjoy!  
  
Irksome Elves  
  
Chapter One  
  
Elves are so irksome, so irritating, so annoying, some people hate them. I most certainly don't. Personally, I think elves rock!  
  
Some say, "Whatever happened to dumb blondes?"  
  
Others will reply, "Well, Galadriel surely isn't dumb, but Celeborn isn't too bright."  
  
"Blondes have more fun?"  
  
"Galadriel and Celeborn never smile. Not even at each other. Or so we see."  
  
But nevertheless, elves are still the happiest, wisest people in Middle earth (no, drunken hobbits don't count). These are some of their tales that I've. Uh. Well. Never mind that, but. Oh, just read the first chapter of the second story in my first trio!  
  
* * *  
  
My Hot, Blonde, Elf Boyfriend  
  
Chapter One  
  
My name is Tulip. Tulip Lavender. I am twenty years old. And I was talking to my friends.  
  
"So your room got a makeover?" My friend Lily asked me.  
  
"With your hot, blonde, elf boyfriend? Legolas, right? I couldn't find Legolas bedsheets anywhere! All they had were those nasty Celeborn sheets. Yeech!" Lily's twin sister Lilac made a retching sound; she hates Celeborn, and loves Legolas.  
  
"I don't see why you think Galadriel-" Lilac went on.  
  
"That wench's name is not to be mentioned in my prescence!" I snapped at her.  
  
"Fine, grumpy. But will you just tell us why you don't like Galad- The wench?"  
  
I ignored her, and announced loudly: "Introducing my room, my shrine, to my hot, blonde, elf boyfriend, who is." I opened the door and gave the twins a view of my room: "Celeborn!"  
  
Lily stared at my room in disgust, and then turned to me, looking revolted. Lilac slapped me: "Freak!"  
  
* * *  
  
Not Middle, but Still Earth  
  
Chapter One  
  
My name is Hanna. My two best friends, Lea and Sara, and I share a home; we just graduated from college.  
  
I graduated from Yale. I'm twenty two years old, and I am working on a book series. I work at Waldenbooks since I haven't yet found a publisher for my series.  
  
One of my friends is Sara. She also attended Yale, and is a fasion designer whom is out of work (which is pretty good, considering the fact that she was never in work). In the meantime, she works at Tommy Hilfiger; she is the manager.  
  
And lastly, there is Lea. She is twenty three, but I will catch up to her in April, and Sara in March. She went to MU, and since she was little, she has wanted to be a pop star. Let me tell you, she was better then (the changing of her voice was death to her-I just went from a Soprano to an Alto to a Baritone and maybe to a Bass). I'm really not quite sure if she works at Limited Too, or the movie theatre, or both.  
  
One day, I wished on my Lord of the Rings tarot cards that The Lord of the Rings people would come to visit us. At our house. And Legolas would be madly in love with me. It came true. All of it. 


	2. Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: See Chapter One.  
  
A/N: See Chapter One.  
  
The Trio  
  
Chapter Two  
  
by Mindelan  
  
Irksome Elves  
  
Firstly. I will tell you a story about Galadriel, whose own, very secret insanity drove her crazy, and turned her into a green-teal color.  
  
When Galadriel was the Elven equivalent of a teenager, she kind of. Uh. Er. A mixture of Goth and Gangster. Pretty much.  
  
She was referred to as G-Dawg, and feared by most of the immortal realm. (Until she received Nenya, married Celebore, and blah, blah, blah.)  
  
She was rich, rolling in lunch money, and the terror of the trees. (GASP!) She also wanted to change her name to Fuindae (that means 'Gloom Shadow'), but her father, Finarfin, wouldn't allow her to.  
  
"-But Pops!-"  
  
"Don't 'but pops' me." Finarfin said sternly. "And no more wearing black and red. And no more piercings, either. Wear your hair normally; keep it long and straight. And the color it should be. And absolutely no pants!  
  
"And sweetie," he added softly (and much more kindly than before), "ditch the boots. You're tall enough already."  
  
Galadriel said, "Excuse me while I go to the barf place and barf."  
  
To be continued.  
  
My Hot, Blonde, Elf Boyfriend  
  
I sat on my bed, and hugged one of my many Celeborn pillows. "What do you two have against Celeborn?"  
  
"He's ugly, he's not that bright, there's Legolas instead." Lilac began to think wistfully of Legolas.  
  
"He's married to-" Lily was struck with a thought suddenly. "So that's why you call her a wench!"  
  
Lilac hit her sister on the back of her head. "You don't say!"  
  
I pouted. "Don't be so mean, you guys!"  
  
Lily stopped bickering with Lilac to say: "Stop whining." Then she returned to yelling at her sister.  
  
"My 21st birthday is Wednesday, you guys."  
  
"Act your age." Lilac paused, and Lily yanked her hair. "Aargh! Li-ly!"  
  
"Stop saying 'you guys' so much." Lily let go of Lilac's hair, and then grabbed it again as Lilac kicked her shin. "Lilac!" She grabbed more hair in her other fist.  
  
I sighed and looked out of the window. A twinkling star appeared in the dark sky. I made a wish.  
  
Ignoring the screeches of the twins, I closed my eyes and went to sleep.  
  
Not Middle, But Still Earth  
  
It was noon on a summer day, and the doorbell woke me up. I pulled my hair up into a loose ponytail, and realizing that Sara was at work and that Lea was asleep, threw on one of the numerous shirts from one of the numerous plays I'd been in (how ironic, this one said 'the Hobbit') over my pajama top and pulled on my favorite 'holy' jeans.  
  
I picked up my PCS Vision phone and said, "Sara. Mobile."  
  
The doorbell rang again.  
  
Sighing, I switched off my phone.  
  
A second later, the doorbell rang yet again. "I'm coming!" I yelled, very much annoyed.  
  
Once I'd pulled the door open, my scowl instantly changed to a look of astonishment.  
  
There, on the porch, was the Fellowship.  
  
"Lea!" I yelled. "It's Legolas!"  
  
"Yeah right, Girl-Who-Cried-My-Ex-Future-Husband!" She yelled back.  
  
Pippin looked at Legolas, then at me. He cocked his head and nudged Merry. They were squinting at my bust.  
  
'That better be because my shirt says 'the Hobbit,' ' I thought. 


End file.
